Inevitable
by Elissa707
Summary: I had another story titled "Inevitable". If you're looking for a fluffy, two chapter Hawkeye/Captain story, it's now called "The Right Moment." This is NOT fluff. Angst. Now, something really bad happened... and it's Hawkeye's fault. No character death. M for swearing, though it might go down to T. Very brief Captain/OC. M/M! Sequel "Avengers: Reassembly" has been posted.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Avengers. This is also highly angsty.**

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I suppose… it was inevitable. And my fault, mostly. I had been watching him for days; no one else seemed to notice, or they didn't care, how he pulled away. How he slowly spent more time out of the house, away, to the point when only I knew when he returned because I stayed awake, patrolling. The way that, whenever he _was_ home, he started just stayed in his room with the door locked. Or how he no longer set up team-building days, no more TV marathons or movie nights. He was closer to Natasha than any of us; besides her the only one he would try to start conversations with was me. Not that I really let him, that's my fault too, there. Whenever he tried to talk to me, I always answered quietly and as short of wording as possible. By the time Natasha noticed how he was slowly growing more and more quiet, even more serious, and sad, it was probably too late. By the time she was worried, it definitely was… But this was my fault, not hers. I saw it all coming. This is my confession, my cross to bear. Because I was the one who watched him leave and I didn't stop him.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

So, I know it's very short... Almost all the chapters are. Many chapters but they're all quite short, so I'll be posting a few at once.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Avengers.**

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The crucial moment was two months, exactly, ago. Steve had been acting oddly for weeks, silent and strangely sad, but I didn't think much of it. He had finally stopped trying to talk to me and I tried to convince myself that I was happy in the silence. I was walking back from the gym, finished training, when I heard something. It was just quiet enough that I couldn't place it and was plenty to pique my curiosity, so I decided to check it out. I tiptoed down the rest of the hallway and peeked around the corner, to see something quite… surprising.

Steve was talking with someone, in the doorway, too low for me to hear but I could tell that it was a man. I leaned a bit further and saw that the man, someone I didn't recognize, had tears in his eyes. Steve didn't look all too happy either. I watched as he put a hand on the man's shoulder, smiling sadly. The man said something, his lips moving too fast for me to catch all of it but I recognized a few words. "Not", "fault", and "knew". I missed all of the end, but I could guess that it was something similar to "Kiss me" as that's what Steve did. I reflexively jerked back, heartbeat pounding. _Steve is gay?!_ I peeked out the corner again to see them hug and the man walk away. I immediately straightened and pretended to just continue walking into the room. Steve didn't look at me, just leaned against the door with his eyes shut.

"So, did you see enough to piece together what happened or would you like to ask questions?" He said suddenly, sliding down the door to sit. I jumped a bit in surprise and said nothing, hesitating because I _wanted_ to ask but he seemed to be a dangerous mood. He opened his eyes to look at me, looking upset, but not the right kind, not anger at having his privacy invaded… Something else. "Clint. I can hear footsteps, particularly ones that suddenly stop, start, and then _very_ nonchalantly walk in." I bit the inside of my lip guiltily and he sighed, standing and shaking his head. "Doesn't matter. Goodbye, Hawkeye." He opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind him. I turned my head and hit it on the wall as hard as I could. It dented the wall and I sighed. _Smooth move, Mr. Spy. Now he's pissed at you and so will Tony be, when he sees this._

I didn't notice, then, his wording. Or, if I did, I didn't think it mattered. Now I have to wonder, if I _had_ seen it then, recognized that moment for what it was, could I have changed it? Could I have prevented what would come to happen from happening? But that's useless. Even if I could go back in time, I doubt anything I could have done would have worked. I hope that that doesn't sound like I'm trying to make myself appear less guilty, this was my fault and I know it. I saw it coming… If I had cared, just a little, in the beginning, I might have been enough to stop it. But I didn't, so it doesn't matter. It was a few days later, when he hadn't returned and I cared just enough to break into his room, that I found his shield and uniform laid out on his bed with a note that simply said "Goodbye".

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

D: Cap left!


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Avengers.**

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If you know anything about psychology, then what happens next is as inevitable as oil and water repelling each other. Without our Captain, we were just a band of teenagers, children really. Thor was the rich kid who didn't understand the other kids, Bruce was the nerd who'd been kicked a few too many times, Natasha was the one who seemed older than she was, and Tony was the kid with the best toys who didn't get why the other kids wouldn't play with him. And me? I was just the quiet kid in the corner, the one everybody forgot in the room and that was just the way I liked it… Or so I thought. But without our Captain, without Steve, the popular blonde football star and natural leader, to follow my analogy, we just… fell apart. Natasha tried to keep us together for a while, it lasted maybe a week. Bruce just shook his head and started spending more and more time in his labs and less at the house. Thor went to Asgard more often. Stark brought better and bigger and more complicated toys and tried to interest us in them. Natasha gave up on the Avengers and started taking missions from SHIELD again. I just watched it all crash and burn, wondering if I could, if I _should_ try and find Captain… Wondering if he could help, fix this, if he _would_ fix this, because this is something that should definitely not break, because we all had something here that we needed, we had a _family. _And play pretend as we like, we all need a family and true friends… The Avengers filled the void we all shared. But when Captain left, our home and our family just became an awkward group of maladjusted kids in a house.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The chapters are short. This is probably the shortest one.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Avengers.**

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It took two months of not having Captain for me to decide. I went and looked for Stark; guessing correctly that he would be in his workroom.

"Hawkeye." He said, not looking at me. Oh right, I forgot to tell you. I had told the others a week after Captain left what happened. None of them talked to me unless absolutely necessary, which wasn't that much of a stretch as we didn't talk normally, but they would whisper about me. I knew it, I knew what they said. I'm a assassin; of _course_ I know what they say. But we pretended that I didn't notice and that they didn't whisper.

"Stark. You have my number and can reach me if you need an archer. I'm leaving." I said simply, not bothering to explain why or where I was going. He wouldn't care.

"Fine. Goodbye." He replied tersely, going back to working on whatever new technology he was playing with before my interruption. I nodded at nothing, despite myself I was still surprised at the lack of care and familiarity between us, not just Stark and I but the entire team, and left the room to pack my bag.

I packed only my essentials, for some reason hoping that I would return one day. Bow, arrows, supplies necessary for them, a change of clothes, wallet with a military ID (so I was not questioned on why I had a bow) and SHIELD debit card, two water containers and the wonderfully filling yet disgusting protein bars. I glanced around the room distastefully, realizing that without having to worry about Captain coming in, I had stopped bothering to keep my room in order. I shook my head and left, locking the door and walking out of my former home. Natasha was outside, clearly waiting for me, and she met my eyes for the first time in… since I told her what happened.

"So, you're leaving then?" She asked, no noticeable tone in her voice. I nodded. A long moment passed and I looked away. Natasha walked by me, going into the house. As she passed me, she turned and touched my shoulder. "Good luck… Clint." She whispered before leaving. I tried not to start at hearing my name, _my name_, spoken aloud for the first time since Captain had said it, that night. I told myself that it's just a name, but it wasn't. I felt something warming inside me and I thought, for only a moment, that I didn't know what it was. I did, I just didn't want to acknowledge it. But… it was hope.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yea, this is probably the happiest this will get.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own Avengers.**

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My first stop was the bank, I wasn't sure if Captain was hiding from SHIELD as well, he probably was given that Fury never found him, or if he even knew how to work a computer well enough to watch for cards, but I didn't want a credit card hit to be the reason why I failed. So, I took out money, a significant amount honestly, but I didn't know how long this would take. I hoped Fury wouldn't notice or that he wouldn't care, I didn't expect him to know what I was doing because I didn't even know. But I took the money and distributed it among my various pockets, in my shoes, and such, knowing exactly where a pickpocket would look for someone's cash.

My second stop was a small convenience store. I bought an atlas, several maps, and a case of energy drinks.

My third stop was the library. Despite living with the man for a year, I knew next to nothing about who he was or where he came from. My years as an assassin taught me that almost always, when someone hits the ground, they head toward what's familiar. So I grabbed the first biography I could find and started reading, studying. I marked on the maps different places to try, his hometown (Lower East Side of Manhattan, NYC) and where his alter ego lived (Camp Lehigh, VA). I frowned, neither seemed like where he would go; Camp Lehigh seemed like the long shots of long shots and Lower East Side was too close, New York City may be large but Fury had agents sweep it, daily, for weeks before he too gave up. I sighed, standing up, knowing that while they may be unlikely, I still needed to try.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Pointless note is pointless. I have nothing to say at the moment... Hi?

So, funny thing. As I was typing this, I was eating a lollypop, when out of nowhere the ball-part fell off and I nearly swallowed it. I almost _died_ (yay for the Heimlich!) because of a dum-dum. A _dum-dum_. What a random death that would have been...


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Avengers.**

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I stood in front of his old, childhood apartment. Or at least, what used to be his old, childhood apartment. It now was a museum dedicated to Captain America's legacy. I shook my head, listening to the instinct that told me that Captain would not be going around as Captain, probably not even as Steve Rogers. I went inside anyways and looked around. I studied his history, I never knew he grew up poor but it made sense given how… kind he was, with how he gave the majority of his pay to different charities. I frowned, the more I saw the more I realized how truly unique Steve truly was. He was sick as a kid but was so driven to do what's right, to help people, he tried to enlist in the war anyways, giving up on his artistic dreams to be a part of a secret experiment. During the war, he ran so many different public rallies and gave patriotic speeches and even _died_ (he may not have actually, properly died, but he was clearly willing) for this country and its people… I was simply amazed as I walked through.

I reached the last room and looked around, not particularly interested in Captain America's sidekick. I still read everything, compiling information, and came across a newspaper article. I frowned at it, something in the way Bucky and Steve looked at each other was… not quite right. I studied it before turning around, looking for more. Finding a few other pictures of the two, I saw the same expression on their faces, they stood just a little too close, were just a little too comfortable with each other… I studied it wondering. Could they have been more than just friends and partners, could they have been partners in the romantic sense as well? Or was it just that five years of working with each other, probably with many injuries and taking care of one another, a lot of alone time during missions, they were as close as two people could be and used to one another. With how young Bucky was, it seemed plausible that Captain would take on a sort of paternal role, providing comfort… Or they could have been together, near the end Bucky certainly was old enough and the gaze didn't seem to be a fatherly. I frowned and then shrugged, they were close enough to make him important.

I wrote down Bucky's hometown (Shelbyville, IN) and real name (James Barnes) and planned to search for surviving relatives. I saw that he met Captain at Lehigh and sighed. I had to visit Virginia and Indiana, and he may not even _be_ at either. I shook my head and walked out of the museum.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Whoo, a lead!


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Avengers.**

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I found myself standing at the bus stop, and got on, heading to the airport and I decided to go to Lehigh, the place where Steve and Bucky meeting seeming like a more likely place for Steve to run to. I paid for my ticket using a card, not wanting to deal with the suspicious glance should I pay with cash. I flashed my military-official ID, otherwise they would try to take my bow, and I was immediately allowed aboard, in the best class and offered various drinks. I ignored the flight attendants and their batting eyes, hoping they'd get the hint that I'm not interested. When she came by, again, to offer something else and flirt, I stared at her, fingering my sidearm. She looked flustered and quickly scampered away. I shook my head and rested back. Thoughts swirled through my head and I let them twirl.

_Will I find him?_

_Will he come home with me?_

_Will he even let me talk or will he just leave?_

_Can I find him?_

_How can I apologize?_

_How can I make him understand that I, I mean, we need him?_

_Wait, why am I looking for him? For the world's safety? For the Avengers? …Or for myself?_

I sat up, frowning, letting that thought continue and realized something. I've… missed having him around, not just because he kept the Avengers together… But because I wanted to see him, to hear him… To have him talk to me. I laid back down heavily, realizing fully just how much I've screwed up. He tried so hard to be friends with me and I wouldn't let him… I wouldn't even _talk_ to him. And then I wouldn't even give him some privacy when he was talking to his… lover? Boyfriend? Partner? I shut my eyes, laying there, and forced myself to figure out how to fix this. Because I _had_ to fix this, Captain America's story didn't, couldn't end just because of me. _Please._

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_AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
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Is this sad enough? I think my muse is depressed.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own Avengers.**

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The plane landed and I shook my head, trying to clear it of the fuzz. I quickly left and looked around, trying to figure out where I needed to go next. I blinked, wishing I had been able to sleep but knowing that I needed to get moving. I walked over to a bench and sat down, taking out one of the energy drinks, a protein bar, and the map. Quickly eating my breakfast, I worked out my route to Lehigh; it was about thirty miles away.

I stood up, stretched, and looked around for the help desk. Finding it, I walked over.

"Hello, ma'am. Is there a taxi service I can call? I need to get to Camp Lehigh." She frowned at me.

"I'm sorry sir, but no. There's a bus, but it'd only take you about halfway." She said and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and raised my eyebrows and the girl simply smirked at me.

"Is that any greeting, Barton? Come on, I'll give you a ride to Camp Lehigh while you try and remember who I am." I hesitated and she waggled her eyebrows challengingly. "Unless you're scared of a twenty year old _girl_." I snorted and nodded.

"A ride would be much appreciated, thank you." I said, looking her over. Platinum blonde hair with streaks of purple and green, a series of silver hoops on her left ear, and a leather choker. I frowned, this was someone who I should remember more or less instantly and she sighed dramatically.

"Come on, Barton. This way to the car… and you seriously don't remember me? Harsh." She laughed and looped an arm through mine, clearly ignoring my stiffness. "I mean we _did _meet four years ago… And you had a concussion for half of our partnership… so… I suppose your forgetting is fair enough. It's Lex." I blinked in surprise, turning and staring at her.

"Lex?!" I said, rather surprised as the Lex I remembered was a raven-haired dress-and-tiara princess who'd just as happily shoot you as hug. She smiled at me.

"Yup, I joined a new group." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"You switch teams faster than you change names. What's the new one, I don't want to blow your cover." Lex shook her head, releasing me so as to get into the driver's seat. I climbed into the passenger's seat and she glanced at me.

"It's Lex again. Four years and a completely new appearance is enough to make it safe." She said and I nodded, she would know best as she's been switching identities since she was nine. Lex turned the key and the car purred to life. "So, my dear Barton, what brings you to Virginia?" I hesitated and she looked at me quizzically. "Mission?"

"Sort of. I can't really talk about it." I replied, lying slightly because I just… didn't want to talk about it. Lex looked at me knowingly.

"That kind of mission… Alright. Well, I'm happy to play chauffeur, I don't have an assignment yet." She said and I gave her a grateful smile.

"So what have you been up to, Lex?" I asked and she grinned before launching into various tales of her role in the current news; which assassinations belonged to her and hinting at what group she was working with now. I rested my head back, laughing at some of her more quirky jobs. While she may occasionally work for the bad guys, Lex always was a good person and whenever she found out she did something bad… Well, she came out on top. No one pulled the wool over her eyes for long.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Awhh.. My very first human OC that has a personality (as opposed to random waiters) AND a name! :D Question, would it bother you all if I throw Lex into random, future stories? Cause I like her.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own Avengers. I do own Lex.**

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We reached the Camp and she looked at me for a long moment.

"I hope you find him." Lex said suddenly and I stared in shock. She smiled a wistful, little smile and shook her head. "Sweetiepie, I don't know how you got into the assassin biz, you're just a lost little lamb." She touched my cheek and smiled again, that small, sad smile. "Go on then. I'll drive by again in… oh, an hour. If he's not here, or if he is and you two need a ride, wait for me. I'll take you wherever you need to go." I just looked at her and then shook my head.

"You know, if anyone else called me a 'lost little lamb', they'd had a few extra eye holes." I replied and she laughed. "Lex, I don't know how you do it. But, thank you." I got out of the car and she waved as she drove off. I turned and looked at the Camp, it was clearly abandoned and rather… foreboding. I made sure I had my ID in an easily accessible, while safe from possible pickpockets, place, and walked towards the complex.

I stood in front a door that had been _very_ clearly assaulted… Given that it was no longer attached to the wall. I frowned as I walked in, wondering if Steve had done that. He definitely could have, just _would_ he have. I got my answer as I walked, there were clear signs that someone had been living here, wrappers of food in trashcans. I followed the arrows that led to the men's barracks and I saw another door had been forced open, though this one was at least still on the wall. Walking in, I found the room deserted but the bed was made neatly with crisp hospital corners. I ran a finger along the bed, hesitating before picking up the pillow and smelling it. I smiled slightly; it smelled quite strongly of Steve. I tried not to wonder when I had learned what Steve smelled like or why I suddenly felt so much better. I replaced the pillow and turned, to see Steve leaning against the door jam with a raised eyebrow.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

How awkward would it be if you were sniffing someone's pillow and they're right there, watching you?


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own Avengers.**

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Startled, I fell back against the bed, onto the bed, and cracked my head on the wall. Wincing, I awkwardly jumped back up, resisting the urge to rub my head. Steve rolled his eyes and walked over, I moved out of his way and he pulled the blanket off the bed.

"I figured someone would come after me eventually. Didn't think it'd be you." He said tonelessly and I tried to speak, but didn't know what to say. I just watched him as he folded the blanket. "So, you just came to stare at me some more. Great." Steve yanked up the sheet, quickly folding it as well.

"What are you doing?" I asked finally and immediately wished I hadn't, there were so many other questions I needed to ask. Steve looked at me.

"I'm packing up." He replied. There was silence for a moment before he finally looked at me. "Why are you here?" I hesitated.

"We need you. The Avengers need you. I…" I looked away, pausing. "Why did you leave?" He snorted, lifting the mattress and pulling out a small satchel from underneath it.

"What you all need is a firm hand, that's it. Get any man out of the army and you'll do fine. I left because I'm done." He replaced the mattress and sat down, looking away. I didn't respond. I just watched him, studying his face, seeing how it's aged.

"You haven't been eating properly or drinking enough water. Or sleeping." I said suddenly, he barked out a laugh, looking up at me again.

"No, I haven't. I'm not exactly settled at the moment, Hawkeye." Steve replied. I continued examining him.

"You don't call me that." I responded, looking back at his eyes. They were shifty and nervous, not at all like the strong and determined eyes I was used to. He was pale and his eyes were bloodshot. Something was familiar there, I couldn't place what though. He shook his head.

"Why would I call you anything else, we were nothing more than coworkers." He said back, bitterly. Steve stood up, shoving his things in his bag. "I'm going now. If you're smart, you won't follow." I shook my head.

"Ste-" I started, reaching out a hand and he whipped around, eyes blazing and he stepped towards me as I instinctively backed away.

"No." He took another step and my back touched the wall. Steve kept walking towards me and I took steadying breaths, resisting my every instinct to pull my sidearm, grab an arrow, to run. I just stood and let him box me in. "I have not ever, not _once_, asked you a favor, _Hawkeye_. I have never ordered you either. But I swear." His face got very close to mine and I stayed very still. "If you follow me, I _will not_ hold myself accountable for _anything_ I do to you. Do you understand?"

"No." I whispered back, staring at his lips but trying not to. I told myself I was only staring because they were right in my face. Steve looked at me, long and hard, before turning away and starting to walk. I watched for a moment, deciding. It was an easy choice.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I wonder what Hawkeye's going to do... Let's hope it's something smart this time.


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own Avengers.**

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I took a deep breath, tensed my muscles in preparation, and tackled the world's only super soldier. I felt him reflexively start to toss me off; I wrapped my arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Steve made some noise, halfway between a laugh and a roar. He stepped out of the doorway and started to try and shake me off.

"I'm not letting go, _Steve_." I whispered harshly in his ear. "Not until I know _why_. Not until I get to say my piece." I said. He grabbed my legs suddenly and I was reminded of how foolhardy this idea was.

"You want to go for a ride then, Hawkeye? Well, let's see how much Hawkie likes to fly." He said angrily and I swallowed thickly. He sprinted out of the room and up several flights of stairs. We reached the roof quickly and I realized what he was intending to do when I saw the zip-line. Steve paused, obviously giving me a chance to reconsider, before continuing his mad dash. I shut my eyes and I tightened my grip as he leapt; he released my legs to grab the bar. I felt myself start to slide off of him and I clutched tighter.

"It'll take something a lot worse than this to get me to let go, Steve!" I shouted and he laughed.

"This is bad?" Steve asked, laughing a touch worrisomely and I didn't respond in favor of making sure I had a good grip. "Who knew the Hawk was afraid of heights?" He mocked and I shook my head.

"Not heights, I just don't want to be killed by a super soldier acting like a toddler!" I replied and he let go with his left hand, only holding on by his right and swinging a bit. I strangled the startled sound that wanted to jump out when he suddenly jerked. His hand came over and started to rub my leg.

"Not scared, huh? Well, what if I do this?" Steve asked, acting like he was going to pry my leg off of him.

"Steve, don't." I responded immediately and he _laughed_ at me. I stared at the back of his head. He grabbed my leg and jerked it off of his waist. Reflexively my hand darted up to grab the bar and he shoved my other leg off, I grabbed the bar with my other hand. He turned himself around, so we were chest to chest, holding onto the bar. I stared at him. "What happened to you?" I whispered, alarmed at how callous and brutal Steve had just been, this was _nothing_ like the man I knew and… liked. He shook his head. There was a moment when his eyes _opened_, when I saw inside and saw how broken he was, felt the pain and the hurt. I saw _Steve_ swirling in those baby blue eyes and I couldn't breathe. It passed quickly and he stared me down with eyes harder than his shield.

"Reality happened, Hawkeye. Goodbye, don't follow me this time." Steve said and he let go, dropping into a roll as he hit the ground running before I could even react. I shut my eyes as the zip-line reached station, letting go and just letting myself fall to the platform. I laid there, not caring anymore.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

So... angsty enough? One more chapter and then it's all done.


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own Avengers.**

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That's where I am now, as I write this. It's raining now, but not that hard. I hope that this doesn't run; I don't want my confession to be reduced to an ink smear. Lex should be here any minute and I haven't decided yet what to do. There are a few options. I suppose I could try and go after him, hope he doesn't kill me before I get a chance to apologize and explain. I could return to the Avengers, tell them what he said and hope we somehow stop falling apart. Or I could just mail this to them, let this be my voice and disappear into the wind. I've done it before. And Lex is here; perhaps her group would be willing to hire another assassin. Then again, I think I'm a bit old to be restarting my life and trying to make a new name for myself. I'm too recognizable, though Lex would say that she could remake me in a day.

I don't want to though.

I don't want to not be Clint Barton, Hawkeye of the Avengers, former agent of SHIELD.

I _like_ being Clint Barton, Hawkeye of the Avengers, former agent of SHIELD.

But I need Steve Rogers, Captain America, Leader of the Avengers.

I suppose I'm decided then.

I don't know how long it will take, I don't know where to look, but I _will_ find him.

You can't best an assassin and expect him to not jump up and chase you. It's just… inevitable.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Boom, all done. So, you want a sequel? I can do a sequel. It just occured to me how I can continue my side-effects series, so I kind of want to finish that before I start posting the sequel to this. Therefore, if I do a sequel, it will be at most... a week before the first chapter is posted. But what do you think? This would, most likely, make a two-story-thing or trilogy (at the most).


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